Author Topic: Israeli Emergency Broadcasting System  (Read 3504 times)

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Offline Israel

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Israeli Emergency Broadcasting System
« on: January 08, 2009, 02:52:47 PM »
Israeli Emergency Broadcasting System

"Don't f**k with the system and the system won't boot f**k you."

« Last Edit: June 05, 2011, 02:36:56 PM by Israel »

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Re: Israel National News
« Reply #1 on: January 08, 2009, 08:36:49 PM »
Israel annexes the Golan Heights

The Israeli government today announced the official annexation of the Golan Heights. The small mountainous region on the Syrian border was captured during the infamous Six Day War and has been held by Israel ever since. Long disputed the government has never officially claimed the territory but in a statement today the Prime Minster said it was about time.

"The Golan Heights are a part of our history now and nothing can ever take away from that. It, like Jerusalem, is a testament to the Israeli peoples determination to survive in a hostile world."

The Prime Minister went on to say that all Syrians in the region are welcome to stay but will be required to obtain Israeli citizenship. The official ceremony will take place later this week. Members of the world press are invited to attend.

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Re: Israel National News
« Reply #2 on: January 08, 2009, 08:38:58 PM »
Chancellor Matthew Jenkins of Carthage will be attending. Please inform us when the ceremony will be.

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Re: Israel National News
« Reply #3 on: January 13, 2009, 09:35:48 AM »
Confederate Republics Arch Chancellor Arrives in Israel

The Arch Chancellor of the Confederate Republics arrived in Jerusalem early this morning to meet with our beloved Prime Minister. The two met at a small sunrise affair as the Chancellor flew in aboard an impressive 787. Not to be outdone out Prime Minister welcomed him with a firm handshake, charming smile and immediately escorted him aboard her helicopter for a flight out over Jerusalem.

Neither have yet been available for comment.

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Re: Israel National News
« Reply #4 on: January 14, 2009, 06:17:19 PM »
Golan Heights Annexed to Israel

The Golan Heights was officially annexed into the State of Israel today. No major fanfare greeted the announcement from the government, more a subdued relief that Israel plans to maintain a permanent presence in the Golan Heights.


Offline Israel

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Re: Israel National News
« Reply #5 on: May 01, 2010, 11:12:26 AM »
Oil Production Tops Domestic Demand
Israel reached the enviable status of being able to completely produce all its own oil and natural gas early this morning. The addition of the Sinai province to the nation brought under the control of the government a series of small yet lucrative oil and gas fields. Thanks to the non-violent hand over of the area and the expert Glashimian rigs left behind it took little time for Israeli engineers to have them up and running again.

Debate Heats Up Over Controversial Government Bill
Debate has flared up in political and social circles over the controversial Bill put forth by Prime Minister Delgado over the possible closure of all primary and secondary religious schools.

"There is no room for religious strife in this new Israel. We have Arabs, Jews, and Christians under our roof. They must all be Israeli first, religious second." Said the Prime Minister.

The move would ensure that all children receive lessons on all three majors religions on an equal footing and prevent religious divisions from a young age. The Bill would also require all students to take Hebrew, Arabic and English up until the 11th grade. Despite rumblings of protest many people, even the Prime Ministers critics, expect the Bill to pass.

"Everything she has done to this point has been a step towards a lasting peace in the Middle East. So far she has not been wrong. We must continue to have faith." Said a leading Islamic following a meetings between religious leaders in Jerusalem. "For example, look at this city. Once it was the centre of so much strife and hardship. Now it is a place of learning and tranquility. We must believe in our Prime Minister."

The assembled parliament will vote on the Bill early next month.

High Speed Train System Proposed for Israel
Plans have been set in motion to build a high speed train system throughout the whole of Israel. The construction of the rail system is aimed reducing the impact of Israel on the environment and to link the new princes more closely with Israel.

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Re: Israel National News
« Reply #6 on: May 04, 2010, 11:53:15 AM »
Language Bill Passes with Majority Vote

The controversial bill to close down all secular religious schools within Israel's borders was passed today with a 63% "yes" vote. The move will close down all religious schools throughout the country and re-open them as public schools. This move, highly criticized and supported by all manner of political and religious bodies, will bring about an end to religious teachings at a young age. Instead a public school program will be setup where children learn about all three of Israel's major religions.

The Language Bill also includes the move to teach students English, Hebrew and Arabic, up until the 11th grade. A government spokesperson said the Bill exists to promote "cultural harmony in the State of Israel."

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Re: Israel National News
« Reply #7 on: May 11, 2010, 09:44:09 PM »
Security Heightened Following Djiboutan Airport Massacre

Security at Israeli airports and other major public centres has been tightened following a massacre in the neighbouring nations capital city.

"We have to take steps to ensure such an atrocity doesn't take place here." Said an unnamed government representative. "Our well wishes and prayers go out to all members of the families who have lost loved ones."

As the Djiboutan States spirals slowly out of control the Israel government has made attempts to establish contact with the government or military leaders with no success.

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Re: Israel National News
« Reply #8 on: May 15, 2010, 05:39:08 PM »
Israel National News - Tel Aviv

Iran Declares Intention to Destroy Israel
Iran flared into civil war again even as its crumbling government announced its intention to "destroy" Israel. The words, after years of hostility in the region come as no surprise to the Israeli government but is considered a major blow to the peace process.

"It is a shame to have Iran chomping at the bit again. We have done everything we can to heal the breech between the Jew's, Arab's and Christians within the Middle East." Said Minister of Foreign Affair Jules Lasik.

Iran seems to be alone in its proclamation however as local Arab leaders denounce the militaristic poise.

"Iran speaks for itself, not for those of us who have come to live within Israel. This too is our home and we will fight to keep it so." Read a statement released by the Islamic Religious Council (IRC) in Jerusalem. "We have wanted nothing but peace for 1000 years and now we have it. We will not let it be ruined by people who cannot see beyond the tips of their own nose."

No comment was available from the military leadership.


Captured Terrorist Suggests Djiboutian Violence NOT Result Of Government Plan
A gunman, one of many turning the Djiboutian States capital of Amman into a blood bath, has been captured in a highly secretive strike by Israeli Commandos. No information on his nationality, name, or even weight can be obtained. All that has been released is part of his official statement.

"The attacks are not government... We were paid..."

The Military has declined to comment further even as its forces and those of local authorities seek to try and subdue the lawlessness and chaos that is sweeping the country.

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Re: Israel Central News
« Reply #9 on: June 21, 2010, 10:31:16 PM »
FIFA Fever

It has been nearly two years since the last FIFA World Cup and now, in 2010, the cup is coming to Israel. As teams slowly begin to qualify the question simply is, who is the team to beat? And the answer to that question ladies and gentlemen, is Austria.

With the most active youth leagues in the world, and a goaltending unit without challenge they are the favourites as this years FIFA World Cup ramps up in Jerusalem, Tel Aviv, Beirut, Amman and Haifa. Widely accepted as perhaps the best keeper in Austrian history, Adi Schwarz had this to say about Austrian chances when interviewed by ICN:

"Well, I know a lot of hype has been following us so far, but that could actually hurt us. We really need to focus on training hard and blocking out all the talk. It's just talk, and it's nothing if we can't back it up. So, to answer your question, I think we stand a good chance, but we have a long road ahead of us."

Strong words from a strong player. The home team is no slouch itself, offering up one of the most powerful offensive lines going into the World Cup, the Israeli forward line is the hope of the nation.

"It wont be easy. It doesn't take much to foul up a strong offensive game but will be on top of it. We intend to hoist the World Cup the final match." said Israeli team Captain Dudu Aouate. "We wont give an inch."

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Re: Israel Central News
« Reply #10 on: July 08, 2010, 10:20:56 PM »
Prime Minister Pregnant

Word has been leaked that the Israeli Prime Minister is pregnant. Jubilant supporters of the first couple took to the streets in joyous celebration even as religious leaders led their followers in a prayer for a safe and healthy pregnancy.

No comment was available from the PM's office.

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Re: Canaan Emergency Broadcasting System
« Reply #11 on: August 05, 2010, 11:14:18 AM »
Announcement! All citizens please move to your nearest television screen at once!

Announcement! All citizens please move to your nearest television screen at once!

Announcement! All citizens please move to your nearest television screen at once!

Her Majesty Queen Delgado has decreed that all citizens of Canaan are to report at once to your nearest Police station. You are to be issued with a new ID card. Failure to do so will result in immediate arrest and imprisonment.

Thank you for your compliance.
« Last Edit: September 04, 2010, 09:03:38 PM by Canaan Police State »